There I was, just starting to enjoy the springtime of my senility when any number of people started to write panic-stricken e-mails that all asked the same question: how will they be able to get their cock-throbbing, trouser-tightening, spanking porno videos now the government has put video downloads on a censorship par with DVDs? The answer to all of you is that you will, because nothing is going to happen that will effect you in any way, shape or form.
Let's start with your favourite DVDs, which you never had any trouble buying, did you? Have you ever wondered why you can send off your money to an accommodation address and get your video by return of post when it is all supposed to be illegal?
The reason for that is due to the fact that the police are no longer the people who deal with unlicensed videos. The last government handed that over to the councils to save money and the councils passed enforcement on to the only department they could think of which was trading standards. What this means is that a shop selling porno may get raided if a council is so minded, but an outfit selling through the post is pretty secure because trading standards are only responsible for their individual areas. They have no idea where the accommodation address that a video seller uses is actually located, and even if they have, so long as there are no actual disks on the premises then there is little that they can do. Most porn merchants keep their warehouses and offices in different parts of the country for just that reason, by the way.
Now then, even though as of this moment a download is covered by the same rules that govern a DVD sale, do you really think that anybody in the adult trade is going to use a British server to host their product? Firstly because most British hosts will not handle pornography, but mainly because the Americans and Germans have dedicated pornography hosting sites that are outside the jurisdiction of the UK government, never mind some small town council's trading standards department.
Companies such as Moonglow, the major producer of spanking videos in Britain are more concerned with American federal law then they are with British.
As for the smaller outfits that only have a few videos and cannot afford dedicated hosting, they will probably continue using Clips4Sale to punt their wares. Again, an American site, governed by American laws, with payments routed via American banks.
It kind of makes you wonder what is going on, doesn't it? Well, wonder no more, because this is fairly typical behaviour for a Tory government that is worried about losing the support of the anal retentives in their outer suburbs. This government is on the ropes with a support base that is going over to UKIP in vast numbers. They cannot give the suburban souls the immigration controls that they want, so are hoping that this nonsense will keep enough of them happy to allow Cameron to stagger back into Downing Street next May.
I have been around the trade for more years than I care to remember, as anyone who has read my memoirs will know, and I can tell you that nothing will happen at all that will prevent any of you getting the spanking videos that you enjoy so much.
Now let an old man go to bed...